Summer 2017: A Million Dollars, Physical Pain, & Creating Gratitude

My fiance’s business just made a million dollars in sales.

 
We’re going to live our dreams of going on a 6 month honeymoon, start off our marriage debt free, & live life without worry.
 

So why does life still feel unpleasant??

I woke up to my fiancé whispering my name to wake me up. He calmly asked for me to get his medicine from the bathroom. A few weeks ago, he underwent one of the most painful surgeries someone can have. Within 10 minutes after receiving his medicine he was screaming & crying from the pain.
 
My fiance is suffering. This is the second time within two weeks that I’ve felt helpless- a feeling that I’ve never felt before. I wanted so badly to take away this pain, to help him feel better. To take it all away.
 

After an hour & a half at 3 a.m. of grabbing things for him, helping him in & out of bed, & just being there for him, we were finally able to go back to bed.

The last few months have taken a toll on us, emotionally, physically, and mentally. It seems like we’re constantly on defense & are trying to dig our way out of a hole that continues to deepen each & every day.

This was how our night's went for weeks following the surgery.
Here is what has chaos has been consuming our life.
 
Our home quickly became a factory that houses a team of 11 people. On any given day, we have around 8 employees with us. Our days consists of forecasting, packaging, fixing cheap technology that has broken, & of course, fighting hijackers (more on that later.)
 
Two months ago, Brock, my handsome fiance tripped on his shoelace the night before his birthday. He was rushed to the E.R. where he found out he’d be spending his birthday recieve M.R.I.’s and would likely need an emergency surgery.
 
 One month later, he had one of the most painful surgeries on his chest. He had the Nuss Procedure of the Pectis Excavotum. The surgeon weaved a bent bar from the outside of his right rib cage to the left rib cage. The bar bent his entire chest outwards.  Brock will live with this bar in his body for the next 3-5 years. This surgery  placed us in the hospital for five days, full of pain, questions, & uncertainty of our business’ future.
Below is a photo of the bar that was put into Brock’s chest.
You see, despite this horrendous surgery, Brock never took a day off. After a night of staying up, on the morning of Brock’s surgery, at 4:30 A.M. we had “hijakers” take over our listing. Brock spent those precious hours between 4:30 A.M. all the way until 8 A.M. (yes, he was working during the car ride to the hospital & while at the hospital) working to save our listings. After he woke up from the surgery, guess what he was doing? Working.
 These counterfeiters sell glasses that lie & deceive their clients. Their customers think that they’re purchasing eye-wear that is safe for viewing the sun for 6 hours. Besides injuring clueless people, they put us at risk for shutting down our listing & forcing us to be stuck with useless inventory that we’ve invested all of money into.
 
This situtaion was unbearable. Brock was weeping, and I was nauseous from fear & attempting to not cry- to be strong for the both of us. This pain, these feelings, this horrendous experience of defense is never something I’d ever wish upon anyone. The million dollars certainly isn’t worth it.
 
All of this has pursued around the most important weeks before our wedding. I literally cannot be bothered to plan anymore- their are too many decisions to make, too many people with opinions that I feel forced to please, & just too much happening in life. I’m too distracted, uneasy, & slowly becoming anxious with September 3rd creeping up.
I wish I had answers on how we’ve utilized meditation, yoga, & x program to get us through this challenging time in our life. But I don’t have the answers, we’re just trying to get through this madness.
 
I suppose that the Universe testing us, makes us more grateful for all of the good times in our life.
 
Our team is incredible. I have found a reason to love each and every person that works with us. We inspire one another to be our best selves. To create a life that we’re proud of.
 
I’ve created this amazing community of women that meet weekly for Bridal Yoga. Week after week, I have the opportunity to help my ladies love their body more fully. To teach them how to access moments of calmness & clarity.
 
This past weekend, I went home. My heart felt so full of love. I am blessed to be surrounded by real, loving, & wonderful people. This tribe has had my back for the last 24 years- even when I was a wild teenager. I ended my trip with teaching a yoga class for 10 people, 8 of whom were strangers. This class helped me feel confident that I can pick a city & have a group of yogi’s that I don’t know come up to flow with me.
 
So what now??
 
I don’t know what’s going to happen. We have exactly 1 month & 1 day of insanity from work. In the meantime, I’ve made it a goal of re-creating my morning ritual. Every morning I will read from my moon deck, meditate for 10 minutes, & yoga flow for 10 minutes.
 
Thanks for sticking around. Life is crazy. It’s amazing, beautiful, tear-provoking, unpredictable, at times saddening, anger filled. Remember, whatever feelings you have & whatever life throws at you, you have the strength to get through it.

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